


Pickup Lines

by MoonSerpent



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Cockblock Jace Wayland, Cringe, Fluff, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Humor, M/M, Out of Character, Protective Magnus Bane, Refenced smut, Top Magnus Bane, clumsy Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:34:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 161
Words: 5,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28337028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonSerpent/pseuds/MoonSerpent
Summary: Cringey Malec pickup lines.You can find them on Wattpad from my account RyuuAkame.Prepare for cringe.Also English is not my first language so there might be mistakes, I'm sorry.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 11
Kudos: 146





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't remember what i thought while writing this stoty

Magnus: I’ll treat you like my homework  
Alec: What homework? You’re out of school for centuries  
Magnus, ignoring: Slam you on the table and do you all night  
Alec:  
Alec: what


	2. 2

Alec:*wearing clothes Magnus gave him*  
Izzy: Finally some nice Top, Alec!  
Alec, confused: But Manus is only one I had  
Magnus:   
Izzy:   
Clary:   
Jace:   
Simon:   
Alec: Oh, you meant it like that


	3. 3

Alec: Are you a thief?  
Magnus: What are you talking about?  
Alec: Cause I want you to steal my virginity tonight!  
Magnus: I did that several months ago  
Alec: :(  
Magnus: But that doesn’t mean we won’t do it tonight  
Alec: :)


	4. 4

Magnus: How do you spell “me”?  
Alec: M-E  
Magnus:*smirks* You forgot the D  
Alec: There’s no D in ME  
Magnus: Not yet  
Alec: ... Shouldn’t we fix it?


	5. 5

Magnus: You’re like my little toe  
Alec: Huh?  
Magnus: Because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.   
Alec: ... Do you want to start upstairs?


	6. 6

Magnus: I like every bone in your body, especially mine  
Alec:   
Meliorn:   
Maia:   
Alec: Timing Magnus, timing


	7. 7

Magnus: Is there a cell phone in your back pocket?  
Alec: Magnus no  
Magnus: Cause that ass is calling me!  
Alec: Do you have to? Now?  
Jace: No, let him be  
Izzy: If you want privacy we will leave


	8. 8

Alec: I love my bed, but I’d rather be in yours  
Magnus: We can do that, Pretty Boy  
Maia: You two are married, you have the same bed  
Simon: Psst, don’t ruin it


	9. 9

Magnus: Are you a poster?  
Alec: Mags, please not now  
Magnus: Cause I want to pin you on a wall  
Jace: Can we see it?  
Alec: No  
Izzy: We will be quiet  
Alec: No  
Clary: You won’t know about us  
Alec: I said no  
Simon: Please  
Alec: No  
Magnus: Alexander  
Alec: ... fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure about this one, but my BFF said it was good. Now looking back at it, I think she is baised.


	10. 10

Magnus: I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U+I = 69?  
Alec: We didn’t try that yet  
Jace: Really? I was giving it month   
Clary: Two weeks  
Simon: Week  
Izzy: Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the Kudos and for reading this.


	11. 11

Magnus: My dick’s been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?  
Alec: It definitely wasn’t dead last night  
Magnus:*raises eyebrow*  
Alec: I didn’t say I don’t want to


	12. 12

Magnus: I’m no weatherman, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.  
Alec:   
Simon: I’m not either but even I knew that  
Izzy: same  
Jace: same  
Clary: We all did  
Maia: Whole world did


	13. 13

Magnus: Pretty boy, I’m jealous of your heart. ‘Cause it’s pumping inside you and I’m not.  
Alec: Magnus, by the Angel please  
Jace: No let him be


	14. 14

Alec: Fuck me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?  
Magnus: You’re wrong  
Raphael: He would say that you are wrong even if you would be right  
Simon: Don’t ruin it


	15. 15

Alec: When I saw you, I lost my tongue. Can I put yours in my mouth?  
Magnus: Come here, Pup  
Clary: That reminds me of the wedding  
Simon: What a beautiful memory


	16. 16

Magnus: Hey Pup, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you all night long!  
Alec: For the last time Magnus, don’t try to make Pup a thing  
Izzy: It’s adorable  
Clary: It suits you  
Jace: It’s weird to use it in this context  
Simon: No one asked you, Jace


	17. 17

Magnus: I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!  
Alec: Nothing new really


	18. 18

Magnus: Do you want to go on a ate?  
Alec: You mean date?  
Magnus: I’ll give you the D later  
Alec: ... Ok, when we are going?  
Clary: That’s all you need to get laid?  
Magnus: Maybe Jace should learn  
Jace: Hey!


	19. 19

Magnus: You must be Medusa because you make me rock hard.  
Alec: I can’t be Medusa if You can get lost in my eyes  
Magnus: True  
Simon: Who needs Titanic?  
Jace: This is better


	20. 20

Alec: Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!  
Magnus: We would be in prison together then  
Alec: I was trying to get my image back  
Jace: What image?  
Izzy: I love you Alec, but you never had one


	21. 21

Magnus: Your body is a Wonderland and I’d like to be Alice  
Alec: Anytime Mags  
Magnus: Anytime?  
Alec: Don’t you even try it when we are supposed to have meeting


	22. 22

Magnus: There are 8 planets in the universe, but only 7 after I destroy Uranus  
Alec: Shame, you can’t right now  
Simon: I feel like we are cock-blocking  
Izzy: Nothing new for Jace


	23. 23

Magnus: That shirt’s very becoming on you. If I were on you, I’d be coming too.  
Alec: Mags please  
Jace: He ain’t lying tho  
Alec: I have his shirt, don’t support him


	24. 24

Alec: Are you a burger, because you can be the meat between my buns!   
Magnus: Is that an invitation?  
Alec: yes


	25. 25

Alec: Could you help me out?  
Magnus: What do you need?  
Alec: I have an incredible itch that's buried deep in my butt.  
Magnus: It will pleasure to help you with that  
Alec: Oh, I know it will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want thank again to everyone who reads it and to ones that leave Kudos, I really appreciate it. I want to especially thank for leaving comments here, it really made me smile, thank you.


	26. 26

Magnus: I hope you're not a vegetarian, 'cause I want to feed you some meat!  
Alec: Then you’re lucky I’m not


	27. 27

Alec: Are you a light switch?  
Magnus: No, Alexander I’m not  
Alec: ‘Cause you turn me on!  
Magnus: I can tell that just from looking at you


	28. 28

Alec: I’ve got skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?  
Magnus: Alexander, I taste rainbow every time I taste you  
Jace: I feel like we heard too much this time


	29. 29

Alec: I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.  
Magnus: I love how you won’t stop trying  
Simon: It’s ok if we see this fight, right?  
Clary: Why are you asking? We see them almost all the time


	30. 30

Magnus: If you were a squirrel, would you help me bust a nut?  
Alec: I don’t need to be squirrel  
Jace: Someone is going too far and I’m not sure if it’s us or them  
Simon: Both


	31. 31

Alec: I can’t do magic but I can do you!  
Magnus: I can do both  
Alec: And I’m lucky for that


	32. 32

Magnus: Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.  
Alec: No bare-back this time?  
Jace: You guys don’t use condoms?  
Magnus: I’m not worried about getting Alexander pregnant


	33. 33

Alec: Smile, if you want to have sex with me.  
Magnus: :)  
Jace: *looking at the rest* Don’t you guys dare to smile


	34. 34

Alec: Are you a trampoline?  
Magnus: Alexander? Are you okay?  
Alec: Because I want to bounce on you  
Magnus: Well, that’s something I definitely won’t say no to


	35. Chapter 35

Magnus: If you were my waiter I wouldn’t just give you a tip, I’d give you the whole thing!  
Alec: Tip wouldn’t be enough  
Magnus: I know, Pretty boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone, I hope 2021 will be better.


	36. 36

Magnus: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put the D in U!  
Alec: Magnus it’s too early for that  
Magnus: What? Too tired from last night?  
Alec: No, too tired from last meeting


	37. 37

Magnus: Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed?  
Alec: Waiting till I finish reports


	38. 38

Alec: You have eyes like spanners. When I look in to them, my nuts tighten.  
Magnus: Are you talking about my real eyes or about my other eyes?  
Alec: Yes


	39. 39

Alec: Are you a bad load of laundry?   
Magnus: What the hell  
Alec: You make my pants feel two sizes too small.  
Magnus: You act like I don’t have the same problem


	40. 40

Magnus: If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?  
Alec: I thought I can’t spit  
Magnus: You can’t  
Simon: Should we leave?  
Clary: Yes  
Jace: We won’t leave, will we?  
Izzy: Nope


	41. 41

Alec: Do you wanna do something that rhymes with ‘Truck’?  
Magnus: yes  
Alec: So... will you open portal so we can get out of Institute or...?  
Magnus: We don’t need to go home, there is still your old room


	42. 42

Magnus: My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?  
Alec: I don’t remember ever minding it  
Jace: I don’t remember you ever asking if he would mind  
Izzy: I remember Alec making sounds that definitely didn’t sound like he would mind


	43. 43

Magnus: You know what I like in you?  
Alec: Your dick  
Jace: Your dick  
Simon: Your dick  
Clary: Your dick  
Izzy: Your dick  
Magnus: You guys ruined it  
Alec: No, it was just obvious


	44. 44

Magnus: Did you sit in a pile of sugar?  
Alec: No?  
Magnus: Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.  
Clary: Let’s act like no one expected that  
Alec: I didn’t  
Izzy: You’re obvious, you don’t count


	45. 45

Alec: Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?  
Magnus: You know WHO I’m doing for living  
Raphael: We all know


	46. 46

Alec: Look at my lips and your lips. They want to massage each other.  
Magnus: We shouldn’t be in their way then


	47. 47

Magnus: Have you ever heard of the naked pretzel?  
Alec: No  
Magnus: Ok, sit on my magical lap and we’ll see what rises.  
Jace: Ok, time to go!  
Maia: Everyone out!


	48. 48

Magnus: If you’re feeling down, I can fill you up.  
Alec: Is that a promise?  
Magnus: Yes


	49. 49

Magnus: Are you a mirror?  
Alec: Magnus  
Magnus: Cause I can see myself inside you.  
Alec: By the Angel, Magnus stop doing it during meetings  
Raphael, Maia, Meliorn: Agreed


	50. 50

Magnus: How about we play lion and lion tamer?  
Alec: What  
Magnus: You hold your mouth open, and I’ll give you the meat!  
Jace: You guys really don’t care that we are here  
Maia: Do you remember any time they would care?


	51. 51

Alec: Let’s just fuck.  
Magnus: I wouldn’t say it better


	52. 52

Magnus: The FBI wants to steal my pen. Can I hide it inside you?  
Alec: You don’t have to ask  
Izzy: Let me ruin it, dad arrived at the Institute  
Jace: Well, he ruins everything  
Simon: Mostly marriage


	53. 53

Alec: You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.  
Magnus: Good choice  
Raphael: Por el amor de Dios, just stop


	54. 54

Alec: They say a kiss is the language of love. Wanna have a conversation?  
Magnus: I sure do, Pretty boy  
Jace: Important question, would he ever say no?  
Clary: More important question, do you have to ask?


	55. 55

Magnus: So, what are the chances of my balls slappin’ your ass tonight?  
Alec: 100%  
Jace: I feel like we are starting to know too much about your sex life  
Alec: It’s payback  
Simon: I’m not sure who he’s talking to  
Alec: To all of you


	56. 56

Alec: Are you a horse?   
Magnus: No  
Alec: Can I ride you anyway?  
Magnus: No need to ask


	57. 57

Magnus: Your ass is pretty tight, want me to loosen up?  
Alec: Yes  
Jace: I don’t believe he is still tight  
Izzy: No one does


	58. 58

Magnus: If I’m a pain in your ass… We can just add more lubricants.  
Alec: ...  
Jace: Is that why he sits on pillow whole day?  
Clary: You still have to ask after that?


	59. 59

Magnus: Hey Pup, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?  
Alec: Sure!  
Jace: I’m never eating at Magnus’  
Izzy: No one should ever eat there  
Alec: You guys realize there is more than one table, right?


	60. 60

Magnus: You know why I am like a squirrel?  
Alec: Cause you’re cute?  
Magnus: Cause I want to bury my nuts in you.  
Alec: You know, that is also good answer  
Raphael: I liked Alec’s more


	61. 61

Magnus: Do you know what part of the tongue registers the “salty taste"?  
Alec: No  
Magnus: Why don’t you blow me and find out?  
Alec: I can do that  
Izzy: We hear it a lot


	62. 62

Magnus: Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated?  
Alec: I was helping you choose colour


	63. 63

Magnus: Hypothetically speaking, if I were to fuck you, would you let me?  
Alec: Yes  
Jace: He would  
Izzy: He wouldn’t hesitate  
Clary: And you don’t have to ask like that


	64. 64

Magnus: Are your knees dirty?  
Alec: No  
Magnus: Good, I don’t want to get my floor dirty  
Jace: You would first put pillow under his knees to make sure he doesn’t get hurt  
Magnus: And what do expect? Let him get hurt?


	65. 65

Alec: If being in love was illegal, will you be my partner in crime?  
Magnus: Always  
Simon: Every day I feel like romance is dying but, then they open their mouth  
Jace: I feel like I should take notes  
Clary: You should


	66. 66

Magnus: You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall… is in love with me.  
Alec: You know I already did  
Magnus: I know, you’re not very subtle about it


	67. 67

Alec: Your hand looks heavy can I hold it for you?  
Magnus: Of course  
Alec: :)  
Izzy: If I knew he would end up like that, I would find Magnus earlier


	68. 68

Alec: Even though there aren’t any stars out tonight, you’re still shining like one  
Magnus: You’re such a sweet thing  
Jace: That’s glitter


	69. 69

Alec: There isn’t a word in the dictionary to describe how beautiful you are.  
Magnus:   
Jace: *comes in* Alec? Why is Magnus crying?


	70. 70

Magnus: Roses are red and violets are blue there’s nothing in the world prettier than you  
Alec: But you are  
Maia: For once guys, keep it out of meeting


	71. 71

Alec: You really shouldn’t wear makeup. You’re messing with perfection!  
Magnus: I already told you-  
Alec: Yeah, yeah, it’s not about beauty. Tiger have stripes, you have eyeliner


	72. 72

Magnus: You’re so cute, it’s distracting  
Alec: Maybe if you would focus on training not on me  
Magnus: No, I want to keep focused on you  
Jace: Also you’re still getting you ass kicked, Alec


	73. 73

Alec: What does it feel like to be the most beautiful boy in this room?  
Magnus: I don’t know, what does it feel like?  
Jace: It feels great, thank you for asking


	74. 74

Magnus: When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part of  
Alec: You already are  
Simon: Can you excuse me I might start crying


	75. 75

Magnus: You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?  
Alec: Can I?  
Jace: It’s summer  
Simon: Shut up


	76. 76

Magnus: I lost my rubber duckie. Would you bathe with me instead?  
Alec: ye-  
Jace: You have duck?! I’m not ever going to you again!  
Magnus: ... If I knew that I would say it earlier


	77. 77

Alec: Spoon me like your favourite ice cream  
Magnus: Like most of the nights  
Maia: I hate meetings  
Jace: Meetings? I see them every day! I swear to god I have diabetes!


	78. 78

Alec: When I’m older, I’ll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I’ll think of the day we got Max and Raf, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.  
Magnus:  
Alec: Magnus?! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry!  
Magnus: Shut up and come here


	79. 79

Alec: Even if there wasn’t any gravity on earth, I would still fall for you  
Magnus: I think you fell too hard  
Alec: Maybe  
Magnus: Maybe? Definitely!


	80. 80

Alec: Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once every 4 years, but I’d rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone so special only happens once in a lifetime.  
Magnus: I. Won’t. Cry.  
Clary: Do you even know what Olympics are?  
Alec: Something mundane?  
Simon: Technically he’s not wrong


	81. 81

Magnus: I never need to see the sun again because your eyes light up my world.  
Alec: Your existence lights up mine


	82. 82

Magnus: Let’s commit the perfect crime: I’ll steal your heart, and you’ll steal mine.  
Alec: Deal  
Izzy: Happened on a first meeting


	83. 83

Magnus: No wonder the sky is grey today, all the blue is in your eyes.  
Alec: :)  
Jace: The sky would be grey every day then


	84. 84

Magnus: Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?  
Alec: You always  
Jace: And I hoped we got past that  
Izzy: Your hopes are too high


	85. 85

Alec: Hershey’s makes millions of kisses a day... all I’m asking for is one from you.  
Magnus: You can get more than one  
Jace: For big surprise  
Simon: For the last time Jace, stop ruining it


	86. 86

Magnus: My name’s Magnus. Just so you know what to scream.  
Alec: I-  
Jace: We know your name  
Izzy: And we know Alec knows what to scream


	87. 87

Magnus: I’m Mr. Right, someone said you were looking for me?  
Alec: What?  
Clary: By the Angel, Magnus show him more mundane stuff


	88. 88

Alec: Help! I’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up!  
Magnus: No, you tripped over your own legs, you stupid Nephilim  
Alec: Just tried it  
Magnus: Didn’t work


	89. 89

Alec: *playing with Max and Raf*  
Magnus: *watching them* Did I ever say it looks good at you?  
Alec: What looks good at me?  
Magnus: Happiness  
Alec: *smiling* It looks good on you too  
Max & Raf: What about me?!  
Alec: It looks the best on you two


	90. 90

Alec: You know, I may not remember everything we did but there is one thing I will always remember  
Magnus: And that is?  
Alec: That meeting you was the best moment in my life  
Magnus: *throws Alec over his shoulder* See you later guys


	91. 91

Magnus: I must be in a museum, because you truly are a work of art.  
Alec: Tha-  
Jace: Thank you  
Magnus:  
Magnus: You have 5 seconds to run


	92. 92

Magnus: Feel my shirt. Know what it’s made of? Boyfriend material  
Alec: I thought it was Husband material  
Magnus: ok, that is more accurate


	93. 93

Magnus: Something’s wrong with my eyes because I can’t take them off you.  
Alec: Maybe if you would focus you wouldn’t have problem  
Magnus: Focus on what?  
Everyone: Meeting


	94. 94

Magnus: What has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk?   
Alec: What?  
Magnus: My zipper  
Jace: There are things I don’t want to know and this is one of them


	95. 95

Alec: Somebody call the cops, because it’s got to be illegal to look that good!  
Magnus: Thank-  
Jace: Thanks Parabatai  
Simon: He meant the real police, right?  
Clary: You’re still not over that?!


	96. 96

Alec: Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.  
Magnus: Then come here and get my heart, but for my heart I want yours  
Alec: It was yours the whole time


	97. 97

Magnus: If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?  
Alec: Yes  
Maia: For big surprise


	98. Chapter 98

Alec: I’ve been wondering, do your lips taste as good as they look.  
Magnus: There’s only one way to find out  
Alec: *kisses Magnus* Yea, they do  
Magnus: You don’t taste bad yourself


	99. 99

Magnus: Do you like sales? Because if you're looking for a good one, clothing is 100% off at my place  
Alec: Then maybe I should visit you  
Meliorn: Or wait for the meeting to end


	100. 100

Alec: I'll give you a kiss. If you don't like it, you can return it.  
Magnus: Let’s see who can give more  
Clary: This won’t end on kisses  
Izzy: Nope  
Jace: Time to head out  
Simon: Yep


	101. 101

Magnus: Is your dad a terrorist? Because you are the bomb  
Alec: Well, he is terrorising our lives  
Jace: Every few seconds


	102. 102

Alec: I thought Happiness starts with H. But why does mine starts with U  
Magnus: So does mine


	103. 103

Magnus: You know what you would really look beautiful in? My arms  
Alec: That’s thing I look the best in  
Jace: *fighting off demons* Guys, please, not now


	104. 104

Alec: You must be a magician, because every time I look at you, everyone else disappears  
Magnus: That’s so sweet Alexander  
Jace: No it’s not, he got hit by a spell on a mission and now he’s blind  
Magnus: He- ALEXANDER, YOU IDIOT


	105. 105

Alec: You're like a dictionary... you add meaning to my life  
Magnus: And you add to mine  
Maia: For god’s sake! Stop it for one meeting


	106. 106

Alec: You're kinda, sorta, basically, pretty much always on my mind  
Magnus: That’s sweet  
Jace: No, it’s not, doesn’t matter what we are doing he thinks of you  
Magnus: Like I said, sweet  
Clary: Don’t be jealous Jace  
Simon: You just lost place in Alec’s heart, deal with it


	107. 107

Magnus: So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?  
Alec: Trying to stop you from killing them  
Magnus: Not my fault they stare too much


	108. 108

Magnus: There's only one thing I want to change about you, and that's your last name.  
Alec: I thought we agreed on Lightwood-Bane  
Magnus: We did  
Alec: Well, now it’s late to change it cause Max and Raf have the same last name


	109. 109

Alec: I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.  
Magnus: You did  
Jace: And it was one of the funniest days in my life


	110. 110

Magnus: Do you know what I did last night? I looked up at the stars, and matched each one with a reason why I love you.  
Alec: :)  
Jace: I was expecting something else  
Izzy: Everyone was expecting something else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for posting this late. Some stuff is going on. There is 25 chapters that were supposed to be posted in last five days.


	111. 111

Alec: I think you have something in your eye. Oh wait, it's just a sparkle.  
Magnus: Bit of glitter dropped in my eye  
Alec: When???  
Magnus: Like two hours ago  
Alec: And you didn’t try to wash it out???  
Magnus: And ruin my makeup????


	112. 112

Magnus: Are you a good cuddler? I might let you join my gang.  
Alec: I am  
Magnus: Then welcome in my gang  
Simon: Am I only one who is surprised that Alec is cuddler?


	113. 113

Magnus: I'd say God Bless you, but it looks like he already did  
Alec: If God would ever bless me it would be with siblings who don’t get in trouble all the time  
Jace: Not all the time  
Alec: *raises eyebrow*  
Jace: Ok, maybe we do


	114. 114

Magnus: You spend so much time in my mind, I should charge you rent  
Alec: I’m too poor to pay rent  
Magnus: You’re Head of the Institute  
Alec: And still poor


	115. 115

Alec: Are you a cat? Cause you are purrrfect  
Magnus: By the Edom  
Jace: Seriously? Cat pun?  
Izzy: By the Angel, there is lot of better things you can say and you go with that


	116. 116

Magnus: You know how they say skin is the largest organ on the human body? Not in my case  
Alec: Damn it Magnus  
Maia: I vote for cancelling meetings


	117. 117

Alec: If I had to choose between breathing or loving you, I would say "I love you" with my last breath!  
Magnus: ... What happened to him this time?  
Jace: Stabbed in the back  
Magnus: For fucks sake Alexander!  
Alec: It was back stabbing bitch  
Jace & Magnus: NOT NOW!


	118. 118

Alec: Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?  
Magnus: Maybe we are destined  
Jace: BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED  
Alec: What a coincidence


	119. 119

Alec: If I could reach out and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand  
Magnus: You’re getting more and more romantic every day  
Alec: It’s gift  
Maia: It’s annoying


	120. 120

Alec: You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine  
Valentine, in Magnus’ body: Huh?  
Magnus, in Valentine’s body: That’s as sweet as always  
Alec: Jace, can you pick me up? I’m scared


	121. 121

Magnus: Hey Pretty boy, you've got something on your butt - my eyes!  
Alec: That’s last time I’m walking in front of you  
Magnus: Lies


	122. 122

Alec: If we shared a garden, I'd put my tulips and your tulips together  
Magnus: I like your planning


	123. 123

Magnus: Are you the moon? Because even when it's dark, you still seem to shine.  
Alec: :)  
Jace: I told you, he’s too pale


	124. 124

Alec: Roses are red, my face is too, that only happens when I’m around you  
Magnus: Or when you accidently fall


	125. 125

Alec: If beauty were time, you'd be eternity  
Magnus: *kisses Alec’s cheek as reward*  
Jace: Is that why he says stuff like that?  
Alec: Yes


	126. 126

Alec: Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more  
Magnus: You want me to cry?


	127. 127

Alec: When I'm around you I can't think straight  
Magnus: ...  
Jace: Can I say it?  
Clary: Say it and he wins


	128. 128

Magnus: If you and I were the last men on earth, I bet we could do it in public  
Alec: Also no one would interrupt us  
Jace: We don’t interrupt you that much  
Alec: Last night you all went in our bedroom and slept there  
Clary: We were supposed to have oversleep


	129. 129

Magnus: I think it's time I tell you what people are saying behind your back... "Nice ass!"  
Alec: Or “How this fagot became Head of the Institute?”  
Magnus: WHO SAID IT?!


	130. 130

Magnus: Are you a termite? Cause you're about to have a mouth full of wood  
Alec: ...  
Magnus: Sorry, bit late?  
Alec: *pulling off* What do you think?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm sorry for not posting yesterday. I was watching Dream SMP and kinda forgot to post.


	131. 131

Magnus: Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?  
Alec: No, we can’t have pet at the Institute, well except Church  
Magnus: *Pull your pockets inside out* Would you like to?  
Alec: … So the next mission  
Jace: Are you really going to ignore it?  
Alec: Yes


	132. 132

Magnus: I would tell you a joke about my penis, but it’s too long!  
Alec:  
Maia: I sometimes wonder how there is anything done  
Raphael: Sometimes?


	133. 133

Magnus: You can call me cake, cause I'll go straight to your ass  
Alec: There’s nothing straight about our relationship


	134. 134

Magnus: What's the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don't have a Ferrari  
Alec: You don’t need Ferrari if you can teleport  
Simon: Teleporting is cooler than Ferrari


	135. 135

Magnus: We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of you. 

Alec: Hot chocolate doesn’t sound bad 

Magnus: ... Do you want to get some? 

Alec: Can I?


	136. 136

Magnus: Are you from the Philippines? Because I wanna phil you with my penis  
Alec: You can later  
Magnus: Why not now?  
Jace: *Killing raid of demons* What do you think?


	137. 137

Magnus: Pretty boy, I last longer than a white crayon  
Alec: Tell me something I don’t know


	138. 138

Magnus: Do you like to draw? Cause I put the D in Raw  
Alec: Jace should be saying this to Clary, not you to me  
Clary: That’s true  
Magnus: Well, Biscuit your boyfriend is idiot and someone has to teach him


	139. 139

Magnus: I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there  
Alec: I already said sorry!  
Jace: What did you do?  
Magnus: He was doing reports and forgot about our date  
Clary: How many times?  
Magnus: I stopped counting


	140. 140

Magnus: I have a job for you, but it blows  
Alec:  
Magnus: What?  
Alec: How did you get here? This is Clave meeting


	141. 141

Magnus:I wish you were a screen door, so I could slam you all day long!  
Alec: I was thinking about break, maybe then we could  
Clary: For break you have to do something in the first place  
Magnus & Alec: *looks at each other*  
Alec: Don’t you dare to say it


	142. 142

Magnus: Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?  
Alec: Maybe later?  
Magnus: Why?  
Clary: Because he has reports to do and you’re not help


	143. 143

Magnus: Your shirt has to go, but you can stay  
Alec: For the last time Magnus, I won’t throw out my shirt  
Magnus: Did you even saw that shirt? I can get you better


	144. 144

Magnus: You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis  
Alec: *chokes*  
Magnus: This doesn’t normally happens  
Alec: MAGNUS!


	145. 145

Alec: You know, my lips won’t just kiss themselves  
Magnus: If you want kiss, stop doing reports


	146. 146

Magnus: If the sun were to stop shining, I'd be your source of vitamin D  
Alec: I think I have too much vitamin D  
Maia: And we hear too much about it


	147. 147

Alec: Are you a candle? Because I want to blow you  
Magnus: Alright, everyone out!


	148. 148

Alec: You’re so hot, my zipper is falling for you  
Magnus: Ehm... Alexander your zipper is really falling  
Alec: Oh shit  
Jace: Did anyone get it on camera?  
Simon: Nope  
Izzy: Guys, you have one job


	149. 149

Magnus: I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?  
Alec: I thought I already am


	150. 150

Magnus: Are you an exam? Because I have been studying you like crazy  
Alec: Yes, I noticed  
Magnus: How?  
Alec: Because we are waiting for your statement for last five minutes


	151. 151

Magnus: Do you drink soda? Because you look so-da-licious  
Alec:  
Jace: I was expecting it from Alec  
Izzy: It was terrible pun, everyone was expecting it from Alec


	152. 152

Alec: What did you say your name was? I want to make sure I’m screaming the right name tonight  
Magnus: You know what to scream  
Jace: And there aren’t other names you ever screamed


	153. 153

Alec: You’re just like a wine tasting. They say to spit, but I always prefer swallowing  
Magnus: Maybe you should taste some wine


	154. 154

Magnus: That shirt looks great on you… as a matter of fact, so would I  
Alec: It’s last time I wear something of yours  
Maia: I’m asking again, why do we still have meetings?


	155. 155

Alec: Do you live in a museum? Because you truly are a work of art  
Magnus: Thank you  
Jace: You’re even as old as one


	156. 156

Alec: You must have the power to change gravity because you knocked me off my feet  
Magnus: What was it this time?  
Alec: Stairs


	157. 157

Alec: If I Followed You Home, Would You Keep Me?  
Magnus: I already did, didn’t I?  
Jace: You did  
Izzy: And it’s less salty in the Institute


	158. 158

Jace: Alec, what you were doing last night?  
Alec: Magnus and I made little book club  
Jace: ...  
Clary: I don’t want to know more  
Alec: ???  
Magnus: *comes in* Alexander, will you continue today with our Book club?  
Alec: Yes! I can’t wait for it  
Magnus: I’m happy to hear that, which book you finished again?  
Alec: Chamber of Secrets  
Jace: Wait, you actually talk about book club?  
Magnus: Yea, what else you had in your mind  
Jace & Clary: Nothing


	159. 159

Alec: It’s not my fault I fell in love. You’re the one that tripped me  
Magnus: You tripped yourself over your own legs  
Jace: Again  
Clary: Can someone please start counting it?  
Izzy: Shame on you to think I don’t


	160. 160

Alec: I was so enchanted by you that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes  
Magnus: That’s it! Jace, help me wrap him in bubble foil  
Jace: With pleasure  
Izzy: Do you guys need help?  
Simon: I want to help too!  
Clary: Me too!  
Alec: No, wait-


	161. Chapter 161

Magnus: I think that pick-up lines are for people with too much time on their hands. Let’s just fuck.  
Alec: True

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. This is the last Chapter. I want to thank everyone, who read it, gave Kudos or commented. All of you really made my day.  
> I am working on some stories and on a prompt book, I will probably start with that one and see if any of the prompts I made are interesting enough to make into a story.  
> And again, thank you all so much.


End file.
